Decir “adiós”: The grieving process

 

There’s less than two months left, and I am trying not to count down. I am savoring every moment, trying to memorize the views, the smells, the tastes, the sounds and more. I’m stuck in a bit of inner conflict as I am accepting the reality of my impending return to what is familiar and home in the states, and the pain of leaving everything that has become familiar and home here.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself now; thankfully, I still am here. I’m in Spain and loving every minute. It is hard to think about leaving when I still feel I have people to see and meet, things to do and learn and places to go. Of course, there’s never going to be a perfect moment to say goodbye, I just wish it could be on my terms. For now, I take comfort knowing I will return soon and carry the memories of my time here with me always.

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With the approach of my exit from life as an expat and my return to reality, while sad, I have begun to think fondly of what awaits me in Oregon.

I miss the fresh PNW air, so crisp and clean.

I fantasize about laying on the soft, brilliant green, cool grass on a warm summer day.

I miss my grandmas fruit tart and my parents evening traeger bbq dinners.

Even more, I miss my family and my friends, my mountain and my animals.

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Left (part of) my heart in Oregon

They keep asking me if I am ready to come home. They want me to say yes and I want to say no. But I am starting to think yes.

If I didn’t have to go home, I don’t think I’d be ready to go. I think that because I do, I’ve without thinking, begun to prepare myself for the change, as I did before I came here. It wasn’t conscious process, I just realized that I was letting go of things and now, again, I am doing the same.

I also stay positive and excited about the future as I look into new ways I can purse the expat lifestyle, in a professional sense, post-grad. Maybe grad school abroad or teaching English? I’d love to continue my Spanish, maybe back in Spain or maybe in South America. But then I think I should learn French and/or Portuguese too? I don’t know where I’ll end up or for how long or when but I know that life stateside isn’t for me in the long run.

For now, I’m holding on to what I have here, for the remainder of the time that I have it. I am going to savor the Spanish flavors at every meal. I’m going to soak up the sun on the soft sand every sunny day I can and brave the still-chilly sea temperatures, swimming in the clear salty waters. I am going to try not to be sad that my time here is ending but happy that I was able to experience it.

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2 thoughts on “Decir “adiós”: The grieving process

  1. Cathryn Chudy

    Ah, Jordan, once again you capture the essence. Gracias for sharing this. How blessed you are to be where you are, and to have this time to use wisely. Much love to you on your journey. ✌️🙅🏻💜😊

    Like

  2. Phil

    Oh, Jordan, you write so beautifully of your experiences there. So happy for you to have had this, and I look forward to seeing how you integrate it all into your life post-Spain.
    Love, Uncle Phil

    Like

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